Thursday, December 4, 2014

Extreme Mommy Mortification, in Less than Two Days

Some god of comedic humiliation must have found out I started a blog this week.  I already have much to atone for in the mommy mishap department.

Both of my children take swim lessons at an aquatic therapy center, through a wonderful organization called Pods.  Usually, my mother helps me out by coming along with us, so I can get in the pool with Buster during his "Parent and Child" class.  Today, I was all alone, but one of the swim instructors offered to keep an eye on Doc Princess during her brother's lesson.  We went for it.  I scrambled after children, herding one or the other away from the pool, pulling on swim diapers and getting peed on, hauling my son into the pool and prying him off of me long enough for him to "swim" - but we made it through both lessons!

I was thanking the instructors and quietly congratulating myself for a job well done as I led my kids into the baby changing room.  I peeled the wet swimsuit off my son and got him diapered.  I put him down and pulled off my suit, started reaching for my clothes, and I heard a click behind me.

Then I heard a creak and a cackle, as Buster threw open the door and bounded out.

Several thoughts ran through my panicked head, not exactly at once, but definitely overlapping (and that's bad because I need my thoughts one at a time):

"Oh god, I'm naked!"
"Buster's escaping!"
"I'm still naked!"
"Buster's going to fall into the pool!"
"Towel... towel!  Where is it?"
"I can't believe he's about to drown while I'm naked!"

I stumbled out in nothing but a towel barely clasped around my torso.  No free hands - they were a critical part of my attire - but that didn't stop me from grabbing Buster and tripping backwards into the dressing room.  Outside, there was a stunned silence.  Then, "No no, honey, make sure you stay away from the pool."

Doc Princess was missing.

So, I did what any self-respecting mommy would do.  I picked up my son and used him to hold up my towel while I retrieved my little girl.  And I laughed at myself.  The other mommies smiled as if to say, "I've been there."  That helped a lot, even though I'm pretty sure none of them have ever, ever been there.

So that's the story of how I got naked and almost let my son drown.

I still can't believe he managed to get the door open.  It was one of those bar-handle knobs that you just have to pull downwards, but I was sure it was too high for him.  Maybe he jumped for it like a terrier or something.  Good job, Son.

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